come back down

[machinery]

this is actually a revision of a poem from long ago. it used to be titled jump back down...chris, i think you might remember that one.

regardless, let me know what you think of this.


****


maybe
if we all climb to the mountaintops
and howl like all humans should, we
would shatter the sun, destroying daylight
and darkness would devour our knowledge
of time.

maybe
if we all climb to the mountaintops
and contemplate the astrology above,
we would discern Earth?s extinction,
the crumbling of countries, South Africa
and Iceland and all the world would merely
be bite size meteors in the immense mouth
of the universe.

maybe
if we all climb to the mountaintops,
briefly breathe in the beauties of life
and calmly come back down, we would ease
tensions of trying to be something and simply
be.

[Hannibal]

This one -

It's drastically different than the original is it not?

I vaguely remember the original (I think) - and it was much more 'intense' (if I'm remembering it properly, which I may not be) - where as this one seems much more smooth, and calm.

If I had to put it into shapes... it would be like an octagon, versus a circle.

One being rougher, with defined edges, corners, straight solid lines of defiance...
and the new one being a circle. Smooth - no corners, no lines of defiance, just flow.

But again - I'm pulling from memory (which has a tendancy to be a peice of crap!)

But I like this one.. but for some reason - the use of "south africa" and "iceland" just struck me as odd. Didn't fit maybe? The rest of the poem is kind of more 'general' in a way... where as those two things are very concrete ideas... the rest being more abstract. It just didn't blend all that well to me...

But that's just my opinion [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Hannibal]

Found the original... which is...

maybe if we all climb to the rooftops
and howl like humans should,
god would hear us.

because sometimes the snow
lingers for
weeks
because piggies lites flash paperwork
in our
mirrors
because older branches
of family trees
become buried under
ground.

maybe if we all climb to the rooftops
and count the stars,
we would know when earth would
crumble
and south africa and iceland and all
the world would merely be bite size meteors
in the big mouth of the
universe.

because the sun and man's chemicals
hand out cancer
because adults' eyes burn the
back of childern's heads and produce
emotional rain from youth's
television eyes
because some our branches curl
irregular or never
even
get
the
chance to reach out.


maybe if we all
climb to the rooftops
and jump back down,
we would ease the
tension
of trying
to be
perfect.

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